okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
