i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Houston, we have a blender
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
