Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize