I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
