The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
