so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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