just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
