if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
