Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
