Someone shit on the floor
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
