Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
