I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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