Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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