A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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