Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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