Soap is not a condiment
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The best revenge is premature balding
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
