whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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