tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
