Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My pussy is not your playground.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
