think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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