Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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