He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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