well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize