Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
