i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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