I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You need Xanax blowdarts
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
