and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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