We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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