"it" just moved
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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