ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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