haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
