Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
