they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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