the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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