I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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