I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
