I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
