I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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