Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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