yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
