i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
