I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
