I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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