I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
