This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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