Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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