Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
