I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think your dad took our porno
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
