Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
