barbara walters just said penis...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize