I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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