I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize