I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
