After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
