I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
