I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
