Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
