She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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