You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
