i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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