You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Found the puke drawer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
