my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
