Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
