Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
