I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
