What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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