would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize