Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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