I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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