she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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