So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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