I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
