life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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