I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
