Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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