As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
