hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I believe in your delicious
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
