is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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