While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
