we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
