I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
