Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You ruined the universe
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
