you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You left your phone here
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