Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
