FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
