he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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