Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize