So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
