Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
