just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
