my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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