I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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