i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
