drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
