I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
