it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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