worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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