Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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