Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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