i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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