I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
