Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
