I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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