just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
