Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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