I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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