i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize