What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
