She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
