I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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