I just pynch a tree in the face
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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