I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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