we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize