i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nutella sex= disaster
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
