Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
