were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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