things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
