just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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