Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
