I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
