When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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