I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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