so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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