You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
