I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
