Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
