I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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