She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
